well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
