maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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