dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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