If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
