You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
