did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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