and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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