Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
