You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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