I think scott just propositioned me for sex
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
