I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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