His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
