Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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