Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
