im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
