The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
