I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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