So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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