I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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