I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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