and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize