i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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