apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
