Soap is not a condiment
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
