Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
