you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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