I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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