nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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