in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize