I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize