Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
