He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
