I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
