yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
