Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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