FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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