So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
