We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
