she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
