She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Text me some of your sweat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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