He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
