So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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