i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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