Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You may now shotgun with the bride
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
