is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
