i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
