Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
