Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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