I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize