put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
