Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
