So drunk its hurt
Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
