I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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