college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
