I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize