i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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