There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
