drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
