I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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