Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
