Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize