I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
