And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
