so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
