Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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