3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
