My pussy is not your playground.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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