Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
