Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
