just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize