I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
