Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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