And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
