She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
