i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
