Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
