I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
are you so shy because you have an std?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want nice things and good sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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