Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
