Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
