Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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