You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
